took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
