i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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