Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
