Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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