Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
