Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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