He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
