Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
