I wanna passion pit in your ass
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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