life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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