Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
