I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
