Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
