I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
