weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
