I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
