She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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