dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So much Jack, so little girl.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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