Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
