First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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