I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
