we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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