at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
