I molested 6 butterflies tonight
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
