he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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