someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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