I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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