You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
