I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
