Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
