YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
