if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
