but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
