i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
