Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
