Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
