Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i think my cat just said my name.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
