I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
