addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
