I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
