You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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