my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I checked into jail on foursquare
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
