A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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