You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
