R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
