Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
