She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
