I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
