you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
