im drinking this country out of the recession.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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