I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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