you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So much rum. So many feels.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
