Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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